Comments on: Boundaries

By: The Polyamorous Misanthrope » Blog Archive » Being Used

The Polyamorous Misanthrope » Blog Archive » Being Used — Sun, 15 Jul 2007 06:26:08 +0000

[...] adding up to more and more requests for special treatment that start to look like demands (the If You Give a Mouse a Cookie syndrome again). Especially watch for temper tantrums and accusations of being insensitive if you [...]

By: The Polyamorous Misanthrope » Blog Archive » I IZ IN UR EMAIL ANSWERING UR QUESTIONZ

Sun, 20 May 2007 06:52:39 +0000

[...] communication is a big help here. I strongly encourage you to check out the Boundaries article on this site, as well as checking out the links on assertive communication at the end of [...]

By: The Polyamorous Misanthrope » Blog Archive » Vetos

The Polyamorous Misanthrope » Blog Archive » Vetos — Sun, 18 Mar 2007 12:01:26 +0000

[...] if you’re edgy about someone’s new interest, you can ask for what you want and set your boundaries2 for what’s okay. It’s also fine to point out things that might concern you because [...]

By: Wendy

Wendy — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 19:15:24 +0000

Well, Beth, I guess you can become an anchorite and live in a shack in the wilderness away from any people… because if you deal with people, and you want to understand what happens, then you have to watch for boundary shifting.

It’s hardly unique to polyamory.

By: Beth

Beth — Sat, 03 Mar 2007 21:26:26 +0000

Geez, what a complicated way to live. Such bondage for sure. It sure would be nice to live in such a way that one doesn’t have to constantly be on the watch for boundary shifting and constant rearrangement. Looks “condensed down to essence” to me. My foot.

By: Mike Pictor

Mike Pictor — Thu, 01 Mar 2007 18:52:20 +0000

Reminds me very much of a post I made recently on my LJ about what I believe poly is, how I define it.

http://ansfrid.livejournal.com/443236.html

It all boils down to boundaries and comfort levels. Nice article.

By: Julie

Julie — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 23:41:19 +0000

I love how you condensed this down to it’s essence. I think that setting effective boundaries is the most important tool one can have in life. It’s been an area of growth for me over the past four years.

I second the recommendation on the book Passionate Marriage - it has a monogamous slant, but it also goes into really good detail about differentiation and how it affects relationships. The author talks about how you get to that place where you can no longer be yourself in a relationship. Most relationships don’t start out emeshed, but that tends to happen over a period of time if you’re not vigilant about being totally authentic with your partner. That includes being able to communicate boundaries as well as your true needs and wants.

Thanks for getting back on this horse!

By: Shasta Gibson

Shasta Gibson — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 21:54:12 +0000

You know what I love about the internet. 9.9 times out of 10, when I most need to read something, I come across it by accident.

I am working especially hard on Number 2, because I tend to attach a lot of wants and expectations to other people, which is basically like begging for disappointment or upset.

I appreciate this post a great deal!

By: Angelique Bolling

Angelique Bolling — Mon, 26 Feb 2007 03:16:19 +0000

You won’t remember me, but I’m so very pleased you’ve returned, and are writing this column again. I’ll always be a fan.

By: Cynthia Armistead

Cynthia Armistead — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 21:48:32 +0000

Good fences make for good neighbors, and good boundaries make for good relationships. Doesn’t matter what kind of relationship it is, friend, partner, parental, neighbor, empployee, whatever - ya gotta have ‘em.