Comments on: Embracing the Inner Hardass

By: Goddess of Java

Goddess of Java — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 01:42:15 +0000

Don’t let the door hitcha on the ass on the way out, there, honey. *GRIN*

By: Firey

Firey — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 01:36:01 +0000

*sigh *

walks away, shaking head.

By: morganna

morganna — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 04:04:16 +0000

Hi,
First off thank you for writing this.
I’m dealig with being poly. I say dealing because unlike every thing else i know about my self…this is the hardest thing for me to accept about myself. The guidelines You set out give me clues as to things that I may incounter on my new self discovery.

By: Kiki

Kiki — Wed, 23 May 2007 18:37:34 +0000

Would you object if I used a copy of this article for background information at a non-profit workshop I’m facilitating on bisexuality and poly? I’d like to use it specifically because it provides an experienced viewpoint on dating couples. I’d present it without the comments.

Thanks! I really enjoy your column!

Kiki

By: Edward Martin III

Edward Martin III — Fri, 11 May 2007 17:51:37 +0000

Nice job.

What is “digity”?

Well, you DO have pretty blue eyes.

By: Ysabel

Ysabel — Mon, 09 Apr 2007 04:37:54 +0000

Ensuring that no-one is ever, ever going to want to date me after reading that.

I’m thinkin’ this list makes me interested in dating you solely because you seem remarkably sane on your dating rules. *grin*

By: teresa

teresa — Sat, 17 Mar 2007 19:44:18 +0000

Thanks for the chuckles and good advice! Would love to hear sometime what is up with the no threesome rule, if it’s not too personal (just curious, as I adore them :)).

By: twisted_times

twisted_times — Sun, 11 Mar 2007 18:12:38 +0000

Well, she is a hardass after all! :p

Personally, I like to give people the benefit if the doubt; I believe very firmly in second chances, having had plenty of them handed to me so far. I am always as up-front about being poly before the date itself, if at all possible, or during the process of the first date. Of those who had never had any poly experience before dating me, I’ve had precisely one date decide to not see me again after being informed that I already have oher partners. I’ve had one instance where it just didn’t work out because she realised that she wanted a more exclusive relationship with me (which I had been honest enough to tell them was not an option from the beginning).

Slowly, gently and carefully are the watchwords when I’m dating someone new or newish to polyamory. It’s worked very well thus far.

By: Goddess of Java

Goddess of Java — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 19:25:23 +0000

I am only going to date people with poly experience.

I have no say at all in whether or not someone “expresses interest”, only whether or not I accept the date.

And as I said in the article, your rules will be different! Of course they will. We’re different people!

By: 50 Ft Queenie

50 Ft Queenie — Wed, 07 Mar 2007 18:41:29 +0000

“For partnered dates: If I find out I am the first person either of you have dated outside the relationship, there will be no more dates.”

So every person who expresses interest in you must have prior poly experience? If every poly person felt that way, no one would ever be able to get any poly experience. It reminds me of my jobhunting dilemmas back when I was newly graduated - no one would hire me without experience, but I couldn’t get any experience if no one hired me.

I’m very glad the first girlfriend that my SO and I had didn’t feel this way.