Comments on: Be a Credit to Your Kink http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/03/25/be-a-credit-to-your-kink/ Wielding the Stick of Grandmotherly Kindness Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:52:19 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6 By: mythago http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/03/25/be-a-credit-to-your-kink/#comment-76 mythago Mon, 26 Mar 2007 20:52:02 +0000 http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/?p=46#comment-76 <i>Be a credit to your kink by having your shit together emotionally. Be a credit to your kink by not living life like a trainwreck.</i> Aw, man, what fun is that? (Kidding. Really.) Good article, small caveat: Flylady will really get under some people's fingernails, too. Be a credit to your kink by having your shit together emotionally. Be a credit to your kink by not living life like a trainwreck.

Aw, man, what fun is that? (Kidding. Really.)

Good article, small caveat: Flylady will really get under some people’s fingernails, too.

]]> By: Rainy http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/03/25/be-a-credit-to-your-kink/#comment-75 Rainy Sun, 25 Mar 2007 16:49:07 +0000 http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/?p=46#comment-75 While I agree with everything above, that it would be nifty for poly or other alt.whatever folks to be a credit to their kink by being together, I'd like to propose something even a little simpler. Be a credit to your kink by having your shit together emotionally. Be a credit to your kink by not living life like a trainwreck. A novel idea. When I participated on the PF list a few years ago, the majority of the posts were frequently from people either looking to add someone to their family structure because they felt incomplete without a "sister wife" or from people who were absolutely insistent upon *adding* someone to their family structure/dating structure (whatever) even though their other partners were resistant, miserable, opposed to the idea (and sometimes for very good reason) and so bullheadedly pushing it through with this idea of "I can do what I WANT, you have to own your own stuff." I saw poly people who were trying to justify keeping secrets, lying to their partners (and themselves) and at the end of my own time on PF, I myself lived the trainwreck on several levels. Be a credit to your kink by really taking responsibility for your emotional state of mind, for taking responsibility for your choices. Be a credit because you do not lie, your word has value and you exhibit integrity, caring and actual real *love* in the way you treat the people around you (going back to your most excellent article on "Love" in the poly community, bravo btw.) Be a credit inside and in your personal community, then tackle the larger one once you've mastered the basics of living with some emotional integrity. Then, sure. Volunteer, make sure your house is not a disaster, be effective, contribute to your local kids in need. But if you are externally looking swell, organized, effective, clean, a good worker, but your life is a barely contained emotional train wreck and there is fallout wherever you step? You are really not a credit to your kink and in fact, doing your kink and yourself some serious damage. That is just where my priorities lie and where I'd like to see more poly folk (not just the ones who I associate with and *like*) putting their energies. I'm so happy you're writing again and opening up this level of discourse. While I agree with everything above, that it would be nifty for poly or other alt.whatever folks to be a credit to their kink by being together, I’d like to propose something even a little simpler.

Be a credit to your kink by having your shit together emotionally. Be a credit to your kink by not living life like a trainwreck. A novel idea.

When I participated on the PF list a few years ago, the majority of the posts were frequently from people either looking to add someone to their family structure because they felt incomplete without a “sister wife” or from people who were absolutely insistent upon *adding* someone to their family structure/dating structure (whatever) even though their other partners were resistant, miserable, opposed to the idea (and sometimes for very good reason) and so bullheadedly pushing it through with this idea of “I can do what I WANT, you have to own your own stuff.” I saw poly people who were trying to justify keeping secrets, lying to their partners (and themselves) and at the end of my own time on PF, I myself lived the trainwreck on several levels.

Be a credit to your kink by really taking responsibility for your emotional state of mind, for taking responsibility for your choices. Be a credit because you do not lie, your word has value and you exhibit integrity, caring and actual real *love* in the way you treat the people around you (going back to your most excellent article on “Love” in the poly community, bravo btw.) Be a credit inside and in your personal community, then tackle the larger one once you’ve mastered the basics of living with some emotional integrity. Then, sure. Volunteer, make sure your house is not a disaster, be effective, contribute to your local kids in need. But if you are externally looking swell, organized, effective, clean, a good worker, but your life is a barely contained emotional train wreck and there is fallout wherever you step? You are really not a credit to your kink and in fact, doing your kink and yourself some serious damage.

That is just where my priorities lie and where I’d like to see more poly folk (not just the ones who I associate with and *like*) putting their energies.

I’m so happy you’re writing again and opening up this level of discourse.

]]> By: Sandy http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/03/25/be-a-credit-to-your-kink/#comment-74 Sandy Sun, 25 Mar 2007 16:38:44 +0000 http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/?p=46#comment-74 This is one of the reasons that I have never been in the closet...not about being pagan, bisexual or polyamorous. I have always figured that if people got to know me and saw that I was a reasonably decent person that they might give others a chance instead of making a snap judgement based upon a label. A lot of what people perceive a particular label to represent isn't even based upon their own experience but rather rumors, what they learned from their parents or society's propaganda. I take the opportunities available to me to educate people that are open to learning and hope that it has a positive effect for those who come after me. This is one of the reasons that I have never been in the closet…not about being pagan, bisexual or polyamorous. I have always figured that if people got to know me and saw that I was a reasonably decent person that they might give others a chance instead of making a snap judgement based upon a label. A lot of what people perceive a particular label to represent isn’t even based upon their own experience but rather rumors, what they learned from their parents or society’s propaganda. I take the opportunities available to me to educate people that are open to learning and hope that it has a positive effect for those who come after me.

]]> By: Alan7388 http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/03/25/be-a-credit-to-your-kink/#comment-73 Alan7388 Sun, 25 Mar 2007 13:23:44 +0000 http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/?p=46#comment-73 Dammit, how come you said what I've always meant to say, but did it firstest and fastest? Dammit, how come you said what I’ve always meant to say, but did it firstest and fastest?

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