Gather ye ’round little poly chilluns, ’cause Mama Java’s about to go off yet again. (I’m beginning to suspect peri-menopause…)
What the unholy fuck is up with you nutcases and “Spiritually Polyamorous” or “Platonically Polyamorous”?
What’s wrong with the good, old-fashioned word for it:
Friends
I mean, really people, what’s with the “special” words and terms? Are you afraid that’s not good enough for you? Why in hell would you want to insult the concept of friendship by saying that if you don’t use a special word for the relationship, then relationship is somehow diminished? I don’t know about you, but for me, friendship is pretty damned valuable. If I call you my friend, buddy, I value the relationship.
I have news for you guys. While I concede that polyamory is not all about sex or romance, sex and romance are most certainly part of it.
I have a friend. I think the world of this person — funny, smart, amazingly wise about the human condition. We’re both poly, but ya know what? We’re friends. Not “just friends” as if things are diminished. We’re friends — and that’s a valuable thing!
I think of there is no sex or romance involved, no, it’s not a poly relationship. It might be important. You might treasure it. And you know what, treasuring your relationships, sexual or not is good. Loving someone is never a bad thing to do! You don’t need a special word to make it “more important”. Friends is good. Honest. Even when you’re really, really close.
I have a strong dislike of the contortions to try to make it seem like we’re “not bad” in the eyes of the monogamous because “it isn’t ABOUT sex”.
NO relationship is ever about just one thing. Any monogamously married person with a successful relationship would agree that his marriage is not ABOUT sex. The thing is, it’s not about “not sex”, either. There is that component.
I have friends that I love very much. We use the phrase “I love you” to each other and by God we mean it. But there’s no romantic component. These aren’t people I would kiss or “go further” with. But love. Yes. Deeply. These are people I know down into their bones, know their foibles and faults, as well as their triumphs and strengths and I love them. I just love them. No big deal. Nothing dramatic.
I’m not weird or unusual in this. I’m hardly some specially-evolved loving being. These are things that any healthy adult experiences. It’s… it’s so normal.
It’s why things like “emotionally poly” or “platonically poly” really frustrate me. What the hell has happened to the very simple, natural human concept of “love” that we need to tie it in to a movement that by god did have its genesis in multiple loving sexual partners? Has our view of something so natural and human gotten that whacked that we need something special and dramatic when we love our friends? To me, it smacks of needing to be a special little snowflake 1. You’re not. Honest. There’s very little in love and romance that’s not part of the human condition –really.
But, it’s a good part of the human condition. Celebrate it, sure.
Just cut it with the dramatic language to make it something it ain’t, ‘kay?
1 I’d attribute that expression if I could. I’ve seen it running around in a few places and I really love it!
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