Comments on: Why OLQ Broke Up

By: i_am_andromeda

i_am_andromeda — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 14:50:28 +0000

Thank you for your advice. I find it useful.

By: Rikibeth

Rikibeth — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 18:19:20 +0000

Sheye, my ex made a “motion to preserve evidence” that named friendslocked as well as public LJ entries. It never wound up getting as far as court, but e had every intention of dragging it in there if he had to. (His hope was to use slashfic I’d written as evidence that I was an unfit parent. Grrr.)

By: David

David — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 18:20:22 +0000

Having just very recently split from my ling-term Primary partner, I can empathise *hugely* with the above article.

Personally, I’ve barely said a word publicly about what’s happened either generally to freinds/co-workers and especiallyon my LJ. Part of this is down to the excellent advice “Never put anything in writing you don’t want to show up in court” listed above. I have had heavily filtered posts passed onto those who should in no way get to hear the contents of those posts, so I have no compulsion in believing that anything could potentially be fair game in a court of law.

My ex-partner, on the other hand, has ranted more publicly to freinds of both of us and on her Livejournal. I’m not going to comment on what others are doing, but I’m certainly not going to join her and cause the demonic LJ dramallama to induce chaos amongst my freinds.

By: Peter

Peter — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 12:10:28 +0000

Good article, and thanks for writing it. I, too, have had some folks approach me off-list “demanding” to know gory details, but I think it was more in the interests of having something juicy and gossipy to gnaw on, and to create some kind of framework to take a side so there could be all the usual nasty snickering and giggling. After a couple of screw-ups my standard response is now honed to: “My ex-spice are wonderful people and they’re great parents. If you want to know Noel’s/Moonstaff’s/TheBeast’s viewpoint, GO ASK THEM YOURSELF.” Great bit of writing.

By: Goddess of Java

Goddess of Java — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 11:04:07 +0000

No, Sheye, I’ve never heard of friends locked stuff being subpoenaed, but I was presuming that if a diary could be subpoenaed, then probably that could extend to an LJ.

By: Sheye

Sheye — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 03:26:02 +0000

Unlike DDA, I do indeed think that you had/have the right to be pissed at the person demanded and felt *owed* an explanation.

That said — do you know anyone who has friends-locked posts given to authorities?

I can see where if one of the friends is willing to print it out, then, it could be used, so even friends-locked can be dangerous. But, I’m wondering if this has born out to be a real situation.

*I* had the public portion of my LJ submitted as court-documents.

By: Goddess of Java

Goddess of Java — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 00:49:41 +0000

No, Stevie, I meant what I said.

Draw it out with a pencil and don’t forget the triads within the quad.

By: ProfStevie

ProfStevie — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 00:42:45 +0000

Actually, in a quad there are only 4!/(2!*2!) = 6 relationships.

Your friendly neighborhood poly mathematics enthusiast,
stevie

By: Hel

Hel — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 18:58:33 +0000

I think Serratia’s comment makes a good analogy, tho a somewhat flawed one, as finances are far more….quantifiable than relationships. Yeah, sure I’d like to know what went wrong, but at the same time, I’ve had the experience where I just didn’t feel for someone what I’d once felt, it just wasn’t there anymore. I think the fact that you and yours still manage to raise your children together amiably, and have friendships, says you managed your breakup in about the best way possible.
And I strongly disagree with DDA, that you have no right to get pissed off at being treated rudely. If the email had politely and respectfully expressed an interest, yeah, then getting pissed would be out of line. But demanding that you share intensely personal information is out of line itself! Just because you chose to share some personal info in the interests of helping others, does NOT mean you’re obligated to share all personal info.

By: Lothie

Lothie — Sun, 09 Sep 2007 18:47:43 +0000

Well, as you know, I asked specifically because I’m hoping to learn from others’ mistakes as well as the things they do right. I’m not interested in dish…I’m interested in “perhaps if we had realized X at Y time, Z would not have happened.”

Do I feel you “owe” an explanation? No. But you can’t blame people for wanting to know, given that you all were, for many people, the “shining example” of “poly done right”. When “poly done right” becomes “poly went wrong”, people naturally want to understand why.

But, that said, if you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t, and I’m sorry I asked (and I know, you’d already written this before I did).