Another example, in my poly relationship (I live with my husband and on-and-off with a second man who is the father of my second child), I feel I am in an interdependent relationship with my husband, but have not reached that stage in the second relationship — I find myself very needy in the second relationship, for a whole range of reasons (e.g. I think the interdependence in a relationship comes from building a solid foundation and takes time to achieve, my second relationship has been somewhat unstable, I get exhausted from childcare and not having enough ‘me’ time when the second man is not around and sometimes feel quite desperate about it (my husband is supportive in rearing both my children, but i am cautious about relying too much on his good will), and with the second man we are still exploring how our dependence, independence and interdependence can be a comfortable fit for both of us).

Therefore, achieving interdependent relationships is not something you do and then are finished doing — like everything else in life, it is a process, a journey, not a destination. None of us will ever be defined by entirely one state or another, because we are not final and stable products. And nor, I believe, would we want to be — half the fun of life is growing, confronting and embracing change, taking on the challenges of new relationships (including relationships with lovers, relationships with friends and relationships with family and children). There is no perfect stasis in life, and at different times we may be better or worse at rolling with the punches.

And entirely timely.

Thank You!