Comments on: Back to Basics http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/ Wielding the Stick of Grandmotherly Kindness Sat, 22 Nov 2008 05:53:37 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: i http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-5282 i Fri, 13 Jun 2008 03:39:25 +0000 http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-5282 been involved for past year or so with the wonderful woman who sent me this article (and her partner and kids). had this shit for months and finally read the article...makes sense but...even though i'm filled with love for her (and another woman) why does it bother me so when she brings up subject of attraction to other guys? the jealousy thing makes me want to throw in towel sometimes and seek a normal relationship. i must be missing something... been involved for past year or so with the wonderful woman who sent me this article (and her partner and kids). had this shit for months and finally read the article…makes sense but…even though i’m filled with love for her (and another woman) why does it bother me so when she brings up subject of attraction to other guys? the jealousy thing makes me want to throw in towel sometimes and seek a normal relationship. i must be missing something…

]]> By: ~Cat RiverOtter http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-5274 ~Cat RiverOtter Wed, 11 Jun 2008 17:42:11 +0000 http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-5274 I've been grazing thru your articles, nibbling & grabbing & chewing thoughtfully, after seeing a link to "Stupid Poly Tricks" in the BrevardPoly Yahoo! Group. I respect your writing *enormously* & your lifestyle greatly; I hoped to find information & insight into establishing new poly relationships, & did; I've already e-mailed a couple of links to your articles to my beloved spouse of 10 years.... and you succeeded in talking me out of polyamory at this time. Dammit. *pout* Both my spouse & I were in polyamorous relationships before & when we met, & I was really looking forward to escaping the tedium & stresses of our long-monogamous relationship with some good escapist NRE & hot sexxin' (or at least spoonin' ;-). Now you've convinced me to (shudder) be a better communicator & work (eeeuuuuww!) on my relationship with my beloved SO first. Well, hell. I guess I should say thank you, but I don'wanna. Do you have to write so clearly & sensibly? Couldn't you throw a bone to the dogs of self-deceit, slosh a sop to irresponsible lust?? *sigh* Oh well. Being a responsible adult is still a helluva lot better than being a teenager, I guess.... Looking forward to reading more from you! ~Cat RiverOtter (up North in St. Augustine) I’ve been grazing thru your articles, nibbling & grabbing & chewing thoughtfully, after seeing a link to “Stupid Poly Tricks” in the BrevardPoly Yahoo! Group. I respect your writing *enormously* & your lifestyle greatly; I hoped to find information & insight into establishing new poly relationships, & did; I’ve already e-mailed a couple of links to your articles to my beloved spouse of 10 years…. and you succeeded in talking me out of polyamory at this time.

Dammit. *pout* Both my spouse & I were in polyamorous relationships before & when we met, & I was really looking forward to escaping the tedium & stresses of our long-monogamous relationship with some good escapist NRE & hot sexxin’ (or at least spoonin’ ;-). Now you’ve convinced me to (shudder) be a better communicator & work (eeeuuuuww!) on my relationship with my beloved SO first. Well, hell.

I guess I should say thank you, but I don’wanna. Do you have to write so clearly & sensibly? Couldn’t you throw a bone to the dogs of self-deceit, slosh a sop to irresponsible lust?? *sigh* Oh well. Being a responsible adult is still a helluva lot better than being a teenager, I guess….

Looking forward to reading more from you!
~Cat RiverOtter (up North in St. Augustine)

]]> By: Virginia http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-3164 Virginia Tue, 15 Jan 2008 17:51:30 +0000 http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-3164 But...isn't it really all about love? But…isn’t it really all about love?

]]> By: Torrilin http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-2369 Torrilin Tue, 13 Nov 2007 22:22:07 +0000 http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-2369 <i>you can’t require that your partner/s already BE in love with someone to start dating them</i> Most people (not all of course) already know a bit about loving other people. They've got family. They've got friends. They may not be in perfect relationships, but they have them and maintain them. Someone who hasn't got that grounding would have a very difficult time with a poly relationship. That doesn't mean it is impossible for someone who has a history of damaged relationships to have a poly relationship. But it will never be common or easy. Being "in love" isn't the same thing as choosing to love someone :). you can’t require that your partner/s already BE in love with someone to start dating them

Most people (not all of course) already know a bit about loving other people. They’ve got family. They’ve got friends. They may not be in perfect relationships, but they have them and maintain them. Someone who hasn’t got that grounding would have a very difficult time with a poly relationship. That doesn’t mean it is impossible for someone who has a history of damaged relationships to have a poly relationship. But it will never be common or easy.

Being “in love” isn’t the same thing as choosing to love someone :).

]]> By: Liam http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-2365 Liam Tue, 13 Nov 2007 06:29:34 +0000 http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-2365 Good article Noel. The only important element that I would have separately emphasized (though it is implied in much of what you said) is "no game playing". Ask what you want, and respect the answer that you get. Respect the requests that you receive along with the requester, and give the honest answer in love. Liam Good article Noel. The only important element that I would have separately emphasized (though it is implied in much of what you said) is “no game playing”.

Ask what you want, and respect the answer that you get. Respect the requests that you receive along with the requester, and give the honest answer in love.

Liam

]]> By: Goddess of Java http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-2362 Goddess of Java Mon, 12 Nov 2007 21:18:12 +0000 http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-2362 Well, Alan, now I feel a moral imperative calling me for the Grammatical Rectitude of the Sacred Purity of the Tongue to use those constructions. *grin* What with English being such a pure language and all... Well, Alan, now I feel a moral imperative calling me for the Grammatical Rectitude of the Sacred Purity of the Tongue to use those constructions.

*grin* What with English being such a pure language and all…

]]> By: Alan http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-2361 Alan Mon, 12 Nov 2007 21:12:52 +0000 http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-2361 > "Polyamory" is a Greco-Latin abomination of a construction Ain't at all unusual in English. If we were strict about this, an automobile would be either an autokineton (all Greek) or an ipsomobile (all Latin). A television would be either a teleoptikon or a provision. > “Polyamory” is a Greco-Latin abomination of a construction

Ain’t at all unusual in English. If we were strict about this, an automobile would be either an autokineton (all Greek) or an ipsomobile (all Latin). A television would be either a teleoptikon or a provision.

]]> By: Anita http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-2360 Anita Mon, 12 Nov 2007 17:10:17 +0000 http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-2360 Alan - I thought I recognized those words! Poly Out East = moi. Great post, Noel. Smiles, Anita Alan - I thought I recognized those words! Poly Out East = moi.

Great post, Noel.

Smiles,
Anita

]]> By: Killian http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-2359 Killian Mon, 12 Nov 2007 16:39:39 +0000 http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-2359 This is a great post. I made a few comments on my own blog; I hope you don't mind me posting the link here for others to read. Please feel free to comment on it. http://polylifestyle.blogspot.com/2007/11/if-only-life-were-simple.html Killian This is a great post. I made a few comments on my own blog; I hope you don’t mind me posting the link here for others to read. Please feel free to comment on it.

http://polylifestyle.blogspot.com/2007/11/if-only-life-were-simple.html

Killian

]]> By: Alan http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-2358 Alan Mon, 12 Nov 2007 16:05:13 +0000 http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2007/11/12/back-to-basics/#comment-2358 Oh, another one: Franklin's wise saying, "Let your relationships be what they are." And accept that <i>this is okay.</i> Not every good poly model is the one that's your ideal. You can encourage relationships toward the direction you desire, you can discreetly clear the path, but you can't push those horses down the path -- and you need to be ready to back off the encouragement if it's just not to be. Oh, another one: Franklin’s wise saying, “Let your relationships be what they are.” And accept that this is okay.

Not every good poly model is the one that’s your ideal. You can encourage relationships toward the direction you desire, you can discreetly clear the path, but you can’t push those horses down the path — and you need to be ready to back off the encouragement if it’s just not to be.

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