Comments on: Relationship Broken, Add More People

By: Goddess of Java

Goddess of Java — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 12:39:16 +0000

Not in the least, Jonathan!

You don’t think monogamous people ever decide for other reasons to work on their relationships and improve their communication.

Perhaps this is part of the disconnect. While polyamory is my own personal preference as a relationship form, I do not for one second believe that ANY particular relationship form is an “ideal” one — except in the sense of what works for the person.

By: Jonathan

Jonathan — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 06:27:26 +0000

>>> It won’t be polyamory that did it, though, but a mutual willingness to open up, communicate and be vulnerable.>>>

Seems like the same thing to me. If you don’t discover polyamory, then you won’t open up, and you will still be closed in monogamy.

By: Jenny Block

Jenny Block — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 17:22:27 +0000

I could not agree more. So many people accuse me of being in a failed primary relationship and cite that as the cause of my “needing” a secondary one. What people who don’t know us fail to understand is that we had to be extra strong and extra ready and so on in order for us to “successfully” be polyamorous. When people ask me how to begin to open their relationship the first thing I say is, “Very carefully.” The second thing I say is, “With more communication than you ever imagined humanly possible.”

And I love those quotes Alan M.!

Best,
Jenny Block
Author of “Open: Love, Sex, and Life in a Open Marriage”

http://www.jennyonthepage.com

By: Alan M.

Alan M. — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:12:01 +0000

> How are you guys connecting? Do you
> feel okay with being vulnerable with
> your mate?

A rule that’s recently gotten stuck in my mind is, “If you’re afraid to say it, that means you need to say it.” (This from Marcia Baczynski, co-creator of the Cuddle Party (TM) and active in the NYC poly scene.)

I guess this goes with, “Life rewards those who move in the direction of greatest courage.” (From Franklin.)

Possible future column suggestion, this is….

By: Naomi Fine

Naomi Fine — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 11:18:39 +0000

I agree completely. We did both, in *almost* the right order. We talked first about wanting to do something different/more exciting; then we read and talked and went to discussion groups about poly for a couple of years; then we jumped into poly (uh oh); and *then* we found sanity in the form of HAI (Human Awareness Institute workshops); then we continued poly and have survived - phew!