Comments on: Should You Have a Group Marriage?

By: Steven

Steven — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 12:57:01 +0000

Wow. Sometimes I read all this and I *know* what an absolute beginner bonehead I am.

We entered into our poly triangle two years ago and have been living under the same roof with two queen size beds shoved together for all that time. 3 bedroom house: 1 bedroom, 1 music studio for him, 1 office for her and I (I am male). and a large garage full of crap that we need to eliminate. Or store. Or something.

We discussed many things like “making it work” and “how to share space” but mostly our zippy energy, while contributing to fast blowups and quick healing, keeps us moving and not dwelling on too much. He can be a bit of an obsessive, but he knows that and he has his space for it.

I also know that we accidentally/quietly backed into polyfidelity. Once together, we three lost all interest in playing the field, etc. He had a few flings here and there, was rather bored and closed that off. She tied up some loose ends and is really close with all her exes, so we’re good there. Me? I’m in domestic heaven, too busy to think about anything but my honeys. I have a long lasting NRE effect. Kinda like really good chewing gum. We have traveled to foreign countries together (rocky, but ultimately worth it) and brought a new grandchild into the world. We’ve weathered family misunderstandings (intra-marital as well as within the greater family) and some profound milestones.

I wouldn’t recommend this for many, our way. We just did it. Commitment is a three letter word in our little orb: Yes. We just DO things. We’re so in tune so much of the time, it’s kinda eery. We’re are incredibly, unbelievably lucky. I do know that. But reading all of your kind and considered words helps a great deal. Thank you so much!!

By: Bether

Bether — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:44:57 +0000

This is a good resource. I think the only thing I’d want to add is: if you cannot afford for each adult to have his/her own bedroom, rethink. My sweetie and I are in the process of purchasing a three-bedroom house, in which will live me, him, and a good friend he’s lived with for years. My parents always look askance and require extra explanation when I comment on my bedroom vs. his bedroom (they don’t know we’re not monogamous). And it was starting to make me uncomfortable, until a poly friend put out a plea for a bedroom where he and a coming-to-visit lover could stay — his live-in partner did not want them using the bed they share in their one-bedroom place. It reinforced for me that my decision was a good one. Even if I were to rarely sleep in my room, at least it will be there, and I can disappear by myself or with a lover.

By: Glenn Murray

Glenn Murray — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 13:26:50 +0000

Interesting article.

For me, the abovesaid reasons never entered into why I’d like to have a multi-adult household, but I didn’t marry my wife for many of the reasons others say they did/do. I married her because I wanted to live with her for the rest of my life. That’s never changed. If I fall in love with another and they want to move in, the reason I’d want them living with me is the same.

Being different from the rest of society has been a big part of my life for 31 years. My wife and I are of different races – which if you are young may not seem a big deal, but 31 years ago in the south it was. My parents didn’t attend our wedding, not because they were racists, but because they were sure we would have a very hard time in life because of society and they didn’t think they could hold it together through the ceremony. I’m a practicing Buddhist, living in the deep south. I’m also pan-sexual and have been for all of my adult life. Our marriage was an open marriage from the start. I’m quite used to being outside normal society, but I have to live my own life.

A group marriage could be a disaster for me, but if I met the right person(s) I would want to live with them.

You make many good points and I will bookmark this. If I ever find someone(s) new, fall in love, and my wife and they are open to living together I will have this resource. That said, at my age all the above conditions are unlikely. As you say, it’s hard enough to find someone who is poly compatible.

All the best