The Polyamorous Misanthrope

Well, well, well, polyamory is all growed up and hitting the big time in the media. There’s been a mentions in women’s magazines - the big ones like Redbook and Marie Claire.

What does this mean for you, the average poly person just a’livin’ her life and lovin’ her loves?

That’s up to you. You might be getting more attention these days. You might get some questions or comments from people if they know you’re poly.

I hope, that if you’re poly and “out” that you do keep in mind that you’re “The Face of Polyamory” to the people who know you[1]. This means what you do, and how you live is going to be how people around you see polyamory.

No pressure!

I know what this feels like. As a visible poly parent, I often feel enormous pressure to have it all together and be seen as a “good mother”[2] so that I don’t give the impression that being poly is gonna screw up my kids. At a certain point, I did decide that I’d screw what people thought and just be the best mom I could be. It works out.

Thing is, unless you live in an area with a high poly population, when people who know you’re poly look at you, that’s what they’re gonna think polyamory is.

What does this mean?

Much or little. Me? I like the idea of being a credit to your kink. I like the idea of people just trying to be good people because… well, being the best person you can be is a valuable thing to do.

This does mean I want to caution you more against “seeming” and to be in favor of “doing” and “being”. Be a credit to your kink! Don’t worry too much if you look like a credit to your kink, if you follow me. Getting caught up in what you’re looking like will get in the way of the real doing.

You may actually be approached by the media. I’ve always chosen not to grant interviews for various reasons, but you need to sort that one out for yourself. I caution you that if you’re thinking about doing an interview, carefully consider possible ramifications. Your mother in law might be all right with your being poly on the quiet, but might throw a hissy fit complete with legal battle about your kids if someone in the Junior League approaches her with demands to explain how her daughter in law just gave that interview in the newspaper.

You might very well be approached as an object of curiosity. I hope you’ll be good-natured and patient about it. Yeah, it feels normal to you. But it’s odd to many people and it’s a good idea to have some answers prepared mentally so you don’t find yourself saying something gawdawful in a fit of pique.

You might not be approached at all[3]. Don’t feel all sad and left out and feel like you have to wave the poly flag if you don’t get much attention. Just accept that your crowd might be a bit more groovy about weird and bask in your luck.

If you’re really interested in checking out polyamory news stories, I encourage you to check out Alan’s Polyamory in the Media.

That’s all for this week.

Ya’ll be good.

[2] Which is not necessarily exactly the same as being a good mother.

[3] Believe it or not, I almost never am.