The “allowed” part makes me wonder if this individual is really a good choice for you.

Dunno. I mean, I been there and done it, and the thing is, there isn’t really any fair solution. Well, actually there is, and that’s monogamy–but most bi poly chicks balk at that, holding their relationships with girls somehow apart from their relationships with boys. Which may very well be an accurate representation of reality–as the self-confessed straight guy I have no idea–but is not necessarily the fairest theory on which to found any agreement.

I mean, I’ve dated girls. All of them–even the crazy ones–have given me something unique, something the others didn’t or couldn’t. I don’t know that categorizing one’s interests into male and female realistically represents the various psychosocial needs that your relationship with them fulfills. I seem to mirror lesbians in a lot of my relationship behaviors, for instance.

Also, if you’re interested in hoo-hoos AND ha-has (hehe), then one who is straight must assume it’s no different from his various preferences as well. Perhaps he is turned on by fertility goddesses and also by waifs. Well, YOU can’t be both, just like he is unlikely to be both male and female. Why should he limit himself when you are unwilling to do the same? If your answer is that he is asking of you a partial limit, well, that may be true, but

But even if you do accept the premise that a girl’s relationships with girls consistently give her something she never gets from boys, if the straight guy can’t date but the bi girl can, you still have a big ugly glaring inequity. The kind that often will build up venom behind it. And I don’t think that’s necessarily smart either.

To put it another way, if you’re a bi poly girl and we’re in a relationship where I ask you to forego other penis in your life because I deal poorly with it, yes, I place a restriction on you, but you’re still poly. Place a similar restriction on me and suddenly we’re in a monogamous/poly relationship, and honestly, not everyone can deal with that kinda inequity. Seems almost like it’d be more fair to ask me to arbitrarily forego dating some specific subset of females.

Kind of a hotbutton topic for me, too, I guess, judging by volume. Feedback is welcome; I’m trying to come to terms with my feelings on that kind of relationship. Send spam c/o jackdabastard at gmail.com.

There’s also the ever-popular “trashing the rest of one’s life for the sake of the next NRE fix” Stupid Poly Trick. You know, ignoring not just the current partner but the kids, the job, the bills, and any other inconvenient bits of reality that interrupt the NRE flow…

1. Forcing polygyny down your wife’s throat until she gets so tired of hearing you that she caves in.

2. Taking a disorganized unstructured fisaco and adding an unsuspecting victim to it.

3. Being so paranoid that you hide your family and constantly harp on how the government is hiding behind every rock - then using the paranoia to abuse the family and keep them silent about it.

4. Saying that it is easy or giving someone that is unsure advice to “just do it.” Most of the time it is a disaster.

5. Going on a talk show.

6. Introducing your second wife as “my wife’s sister” (even though she is black and your other wife is white).

7. Starting a cult. Then calling hte police nad telling them that they are not welcome.

And the last one and it is a HUGE one for me…

Lying to everyone, refusing to stand up for your rights, and going underground at every little noise. All that does is tell the world that you know you are wrong, and that what you do is illegal, and it guarantees that the rest of the wold thinks that way as well. It places every legitimate family in same boat as the crazies and brands you and your family as a cult. It does no good whatsoever and even your children will be marked with “Coward” becuase it is all they see their entire lives. It guarantees that the only examples of polygyny are the rotten examples and hides the good examples. I have very little respect for those that do this.

Oh, easy. People understand this when it’s not about humans. Susie falls in love with Bob, who is in love with flyfishing. Susie may discover that she adores standing in the water tossing string and goes burbling about it around the office, and no one thinks it’s odd. Maybe it’ll wear off post-NRE… or maybe it’ll turn into a long-term interest in its own right.

Don’t laugh. That is how I because a downhill skier, office burbling included, after 45 years of less than zero interest in it. Today I still love skiing even by myself.

The stupid part would be for Bob to expect Susie to love flyfishing….

You make poly look easy! In an effort to emulate you, my SO/spouse and I will now make reckless, uninformed, hurtful, and potentially dangerous changes in our relationship. We want to do in 3 weeks what took you and your husband 3 years to accomplish. Wait… what? It doesn’t work like that? Our relationship problems are now all your fault! Shame on you!

Eegads.