Comments on: But that Disqualifies ME!!!

By: Joreth

Joreth — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 05:01:40 +0000

I’m a very non-traditional sort of female, for almost every definition of “traditional” people like to use. Consequently, I’m often given unsolicited advice on how I can change something about myself to make me more “attractive” to the opposite sex.

This pisses me off.

I don’t CARE if the majority of men don’t find me attractive. I don’t have time for the majority of men anyway, and I’m not attracted to men who aren’t attracted to me.

No, I will not be nicer, wear dresses more often, put on makeup, cut and style my hair, get a safer job, or let you think you’re better at fixing cars than I am. If that’s what you need from a mate, then I am not a bad person for not being compatible with you, we’re simply incompatible.

And you’re just as incompatible with me as I am with you if you need those things in a mate that I am not. Because it’s not, as you said, a contest to see how many people want to fuck me.

It’s a journey to enjoy with people who enjoy my company and I, theirs. If that happens to be one other person, then I will enjoy him and he can enjoy me. If I happen to find several such people, that’s great too. The point is that we enjoy each other and we like who the other person is. We’re not collecting each other for our self-esteem.

By: Goddess of Java

Goddess of Java — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 17:31:20 +0000

Tim, there’s a HUGE difference between “X subgroup of humanity isn’t attractive” and “X subgroup of humanity isn’t attractive to me.”

The first implies there’s some sort of moral absolute about personal taste. The second says that, yep, you’ve got a personal taste.

As a member of a subgroup of humanity that plenty of people DONT find sexually attractive (I’m fat), I feel for you. But I think people are allowed their tastes.

By: Tim

Tim — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 04:09:51 +0000

I try not to take it personally when I hear that Asian men aren’t attractive, but as one, it gets under my (yellow) skin.

By: Kristy

Kristy — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 10:00:38 +0000

I think you nailed it again. Sometimes it’s a very good thing if everyone doesn’t find you attractive, it only becomes an issue if no one does, then maybe a redo is in order.

By: mib

mib — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 08:41:03 +0000

Speaking as a member of a LDR who happens to be visiting said person… they can work. And our spouses are reminding us that we promised to go shopping for new clothes. So it can happen. But otherwise, I fall into the “LDRs don’t work for me” crowd. They never really have, until now, but I’ve learned my lessons along the way, and it’s possible that that is helping us now. (And yes, I agree with the local choice/global statement issue as framed by Ashbet!)

By: Freya

Freya — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 01:27:40 +0000

What Ashbet said :D

I personally don’t like LDRs because I don’t have a history of doing them well. BUT provided said partner is able to deal with the occasional faux pas and we work on communicating, I’m slowly finding that poly LDRs aren’t that scary/bad – kinda in one now, which is working. Mono LDRs are significantly different, I need my snuggling regularly.

By: Ashbet

Ashbet — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 16:24:51 +0000

Honestly, it depends on how it’s stated. If someone says “I’m not attracted to larger women,” I have no problem with it. If someone says “Larger women are not attractive,” I tend to bristle and retort.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and what they find attractive (for example, I don’t find very muscular guys attractive, I like either a little skinniness or a larger frame.) I don’t think that whether or not *I* am attracted to a person is an objective statement of whether they *are* attractive.

People making generalizations (like “LDRs never work”) are going to get a negative response from me, whereas people saying “LDRs haven’t worked for me” won’t.

It’s not a contest to see how many people can be attracted to you, you’re right. And it’s not a personal failing if Person X isn’t attracted to you (although it kind of sucks if you happen to be attracted to Person X!) If everyone had the same “type,” most of the population would be excluded from the dating pool . . . whereas it’s awesome to know that while I’m not to some people’s taste, others find me and women like me to be very attractive. And, really, *they’re* the ones I care about in the end!

– A :)