Comments on: The Partner Data File

By: Tina

Tina — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 07:00:26 +0000

I agree about learning about partners the old-fashioned way.

You touch on a subject and then delve into it gradually, kind of like foreplay. The build-up of learning about another person can be loads of fun.

And as good communicators, partners “should” be vocal about expressing themselves, anyway. If the newbie wants you to know something, he/she will bring it up.

By: Neelloca

Neelloca — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 05:56:26 +0000

Ok, seriously? The first thing on that list should be “Safe Word”. Really folks?, my information should come from learning about my partners by talking to them. Do we all forget what it was like to begin a relationship the old fashion way?

By: David

David — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 01:45:46 +0000

Several years ago I managed to get smart enough to collect both my spouse’s and my other lovers clothing sizes and measurements into files I keep stored on my Treo’. Does this always result in a perfect fit? Hell No, but it’s OH so much better than guessing. They both know that I’ve got the others info so that’s not a problem. And it’s so nice to be walking around somewhere see something that looks just right for one or the other and be able to confirm a size or measurement.

As to the other stuff, well I carry that around in my head. And things like books we all share back and forth constantly.

David

By: Goddess of Java

Goddess of Java — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:27:59 +0000

Wolfger: Goodness yes. Especially those wretches who think it’s their “duty” to “warn” others about their Evil Exes.

By: Wolfger

Wolfger — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 22:07:55 +0000

With great power comes great responsibility. I can just see the potential for evil here. Nasty breakup, partner who feels wronged spreads this info freely to people he knows are asses (or just puts it out publicly with name, phone, address, hangouts). Now the partner whose stats were kept is going to be in for a real ride… people who seem “too good to be true” coming from every direction, heartache to follow…

Or maybe I’m just cynical and paranoid.

By: boo(duh)

boo(duh) — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 17:22:09 +0000

Actually, I have a much harder time remembering this stuff about my kids than my partners. Maybe because I have so many kids, and so few partners. I’ve found that in general, I remember this stuff about my partners unless I’m just not invested in the relationship. It’s a big clue in for me that a partner may not be a good fit for me, if I don’t take the time to internalize their likes, etc. Now the kids… I should definitely do this with the kids! I could forward it to every far-flung extended family member and not have to repeat myself ad nauseum, and confuse which kid I’m talking about, and, and, and…. bother. You get the point.

By: Alli

Alli — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 16:40:30 +0000

I have a similar list on each of my good friends… things on that list include colors that they like to wear, things they collect, foods that they are allergic to/can’t stand/love, ring size, neck size, favorite stones, coffee flavors, liquor preferences, etc. Makes Holiday and Birthday shopping that much easier!

By: David

David — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 14:26:17 +0000

Oh, I so need to set this up! I’m single currently, but if and when I start dating again I’ll have to start using this sort of thing as my short term memory is appallingly bad - I’d forget to breathe some days if it wasn’t automatic!

By: Kit

Kit — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 12:39:35 +0000

“I’d recommend you negotiate before handing this list out to other partners.”

Most definitely. As the subject, I’d rather the new person took the time to get to know me.
People change over time, and sometimes what we enjoy with one, we don’t so much enjoy with another.

More importantly , the discovery process is an important part of the relationship.
Part of it is bonding, part of it is ~how will this person react if I trip over a strong opinion?~ Will they take the time to explain, do they just go off - do they hide squicks ? How you learn of something is sometimes more important than having learned of it.

By: Melomel

Melomel — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 10:21:27 +0000

But doesn’t much of the fun come from not knowing and learning all this stuff about new partners, and part of the NRE wrapped up in someone else discovering them about you?

To your point, there’s a particular pattern that I eventually discovered that I wish one partner would tattoo on her lower abdomen, for her own sake. Of course, back to my original point, it was fun discovering it.