Comments on: The Questionable Content of Unspoken Assumptions

By: curiouslyrandom

curiouslyrandom — Sat, 16 May 2009 07:59:15 +0000

Oh, dear. I pulled a Faye. I didn’t mean to and things have somewhat resolved themselves since, but yeah, that was me about two months ago.

I feel so ashamed. *hides head*

By: Ashbet

Ashbet — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 21:28:11 +0000

I <3 QC!

Interestingly enough, I just wound up having a similarly-themed conversation with my new partner and his partner (who is more monogamously inclined and has just recently made the decision not to seek new partners for herself) . . . she said “I’m fine with you, because I have met you and I like and trust you, but I would not be okay with [New Partner] starting another new relationship with someone else. I would have to seriously reconsider staying in the relationship then.”

She was rather surprised when I said: “Actually, *I’d* have to seriously reconsider it, too!”

(FWIW, I’m very glad that we met and talked and discussed expectations, because I think that EVERYONE is more comfortable now.)

But, yes — it’s totally okay to say “This is my boundary — I’m not telling you what to do, but I’m telling you how I would respond if you crossed this boundary.”

– A :)

By: Goddess of Java

Goddess of Java — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 22:03:10 +0000

Yep, demanding rather than asking was exactly what was wrong. You’re quite right, a boundaries conversation is important!

By: Cecily

Cecily — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 21:28:41 +0000

I don’t think Faye’s any kind of model for behavior, but yes, I think that asking about boundaries is an important conversation to have. The thing is, she didn’t ask – she demanded – which is clearly the wrong approach.