I think that there is a simple current through which we can look at these issues of communal living, and that is one of resources. It’s mentioned above that we’ve been hoodwinked to think that the nuclear family, white picket fence and all, is the ideal. That’s the crux of the problem.

During the lead up to 1968, Americans were getting more and more wealthy.. they were wealthier than they had been since the late 1700s, on a value per capita basis, so the sharks started circling to determine how to milk this cow. And thus, the ideal was born.

After 1968, wealth started declining, and still is, to this day. It is the white elephant in the room that noone wants to talk about.

Little wonder that some of us are waking up to the idea of sharing resources. :) The innovation we have to work with now, though, is polyamory, and in a social context that, while not totally accepting is, at least, tacitly tolerant.

I would expect that long term we will see something of a social darwinism effect.. those groups or pods that succeed will provide example for others, and the notion will slowly grow. If you have 10 people living together, sharing resources, you are incredibly more powerful and resilient as a unit than any one or pair of you are taken together separately. With more financial stability comes life stability, less pressure to do Things You Dont Want To Make Money, and provides an emotional and physical support structure that in unbeatable.

Puzzling out the details.. that’s the sharp end. :) As you say above, Group Think, while it can be good when the group itself is threatened, can also breed its own conformities and pressures within the “culture” of the group, and so detract from the positives of belonging, and diminish its effectiveness. Obviously there are other things to consider, such as financial considerations, chores and allocation, budget, child rearing duties, and so on.. but I’m getting long winded..

Peace!

Second, the lack of established similar templates and structures for non-monogamy allows those exploring it to crash head on into the necessity of personal responsibility. It can be a shock. Creating something “workable” without the cookie cutter is hard. It’s much harder than a lot of us think on getting in to this. It requires a lot of growing up to accept it.

FWIW we live in a 40 year old intentional community here in the bay area, we don’t use the word polyamory but that kind of thing is one part of our lives. Its not perfect but it works better than everything else we’ve tried – I’ve known these folks since ’93 and lived here around 4.5 years now.

You would probably be amused by Stefanie Coontz’s books: “marriage-a history” (love is a very recent addition to the notion of marriage in America) and “The Way Things Never Were – American families and the nostaglia trap” which explains how Madison Avenue created the notion of the nuclear family and single family housing [aka 'leave it to beaver'] to sell more dishwashers and cars. And now we all believe that was our history.