Comments on: I Thought We Were POLY

By: Betty Baker

Betty Baker — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 19:40:42 +0000

“…just because you have a romantic relationship with someone doesn’t mean you’re allowed to tell them what to do.”

Yes! Yes! Very yes!

*Cuddlemuffins*! Oh my gosh, I have *met* said Cuddlemuffins, and, with your permission, I will add them to my list of poly carbohydrates.

By: tahiya

tahiya — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 04:18:53 +0000

I really appreciate these descriptions of someone driving an agenda. Our monogamist partner has been using these exact strategies systematically and relentlessly to widen the boundaries and keep our partner on an extremely short leash as well as dictate my personal life. Using these very techniques she has successfully cordoned off a considerable portion of our partner’s life to be her sole purview.

By: Goddess of Java

Goddess of Java — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 16:39:27 +0000

You’re quite right, Laure, that “I don’t like *foo*” is certainly NOT emotional blackmail. You SHOULD speak up if you don’t like something!

It’s whether or not you’re using manipulative language or trying to activate guilt that has to do with emotional blackmail or not!

By: Laure

Laure — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 16:24:14 +0000

We all have the right to say what we do not like about a partner’s behavior. That is not emotional blackmail.

By: Goddess of Java

Goddess of Java — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 18:30:34 +0000

@Edward Oh very yes. You can’t go wrong with respecting your own and others’ boundaries no matter what you do. All the more useful that, I think!

By: Edward Martin III

Edward Martin III — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 17:59:58 +0000

Emotional blackmail’s always a little tricky.

I think it’s worth noting that these behaviors and techniques are applicable to most any romantic (and possibly business or other) relationship.

By: Kate

Kate — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 15:34:20 +0000

“I thought we were *poly*” is a variation of, “I thought you *loved* me!”. They are very similar efforts to make the other party change their behavior by carefully applying judgement and inducing guilt.