This time, I’d like to hear from anyone that wants to sound off on the subject.
I see the phrase “Love has no boundaries” frequently. Frankly, I do have a reaction to that (which if you read this much, you’d probably guess). But I want anyone who wants to tell me to let me know what they think of the expression and why.
I think the expression really refers to numerical boundaries. There certainly are other sorts of boundaries. For example, I very recently enforced the boundary of “you can’t treat me like shit when I haven’t even done anything wrong”.
The only meaning of that phrase that makes sense to me is that people will fall in love (or at least be attracted) across social boundaries that others wish they wouldn’t cross.
Kineticflow put it very succintly. At least, I sure hope that’s what people mean by it!!!!
Unfortunately I think there are people who intend “Love has no boundaries” to mean that if it’s “twwue wuve” then boundaries can be bent or broken as necessary.
You can probably tell from my word choice that I disagree.
The meanings that I hope most people mean are those already noted –
a) People fall in love across social / religious boundaries that others would prefer they not, such as falling in love with members of the same sex or people of another race, ethnicity or faith.
b) People fall in love with more than one person, even in mostly-monogamous cultures.
I was about to say that I vehemently disagreed with it, because healthy boundaries are very important in relationships.
But I guess that’s not really LOVE. Love itself doesn’t have boundaries. But healthy relationships do.
I know I’m overanalyzing it, but I still do think that “Love has no boundaries” is far too dodgy a slogan for me to want to wear. (:
I think the statement reflects a naive and context-free view of love. It isn’t even wrong; just meaningless (but with a whole lot of potential to be interpreted in ways that squick me).
Sure, maybe in the abstract love does not have boundaries. Maybe the boundaries necessary to maintain a healthy relationship are not, in and of themselves, a facet of love (though that seems to be rely on the inherent slipperiness of the word; you can define whatever you like as “really” love or “not really love”). If your love for someone or something is entirely abstract, I question the relevence of how you’re using the term…
In the real world (where love takes place…), it seems like such a distinction is harder to maintain. Since we pretty clearly are talking about romantic love of the sort in intimate relationships, I think it’s reasonable to say that few people maintain that successfully without observing some kind of interpersonal boundaries. Boundaries are not bad things. There is a big difference between withholding honesty and clear, direct communication, and simply taking some time to process stuff internally or map one’s responses to the realities of your relationship.
I think it means whatever the speaker intends for it to mean–hence, it becomes a truism. “Love has no boundaries….because I have no boundaries.” Or, love has transcended the boundaries I thought I had, was taught to have, or other people have.
Not particularly useful. But poetic. And I would argue not particularly harmful.
The cynical part of me hears “love has no boundaries” as “I get to set the rules, not you,” at least this morning. I would like it to sound more like, “given mutual respect, affection, and self-esteem, we can establish our own boundaries in this relationship, not default to some mythical ‘Twue Wuv’ structure,” but that’s probably just for me.
The snarky me would say “Of course love has no boundaries! You can say ‘I love you’ to anyone!”
Which rubs my spot about people saying they love someone, but showing it in an odd way… or not at all. Love is a verb, not a noun or exclamation.
The phrase is naive, regardless of whatever deep philosophies might back it. Why not present it in a deeper way if it truly is supposed to be deep? “Love may have boundaries, but only you can set them.” Not perfect, but something of that ilk at least.
Anyone that said things like this with any frequency would strike me as disingenuous and full of talk. My response? “Prove it.”
But that’s just another of my pet peeve’s altogether…
One of my partners once came up with a very pithy saying that I liked very much — “Love may have no boundaries, but relationships require them!”
And I think that’s very true — you can’t necessarily control your *feelings*, and it’s okay to love and be loving to lots of people, but you NEED to be in control of your behavior and how it affects the loved ones in your life.
But, yeah — “love has no boundaries” squicks me, and would make me think twice if I heard it coming from someone I was considering as relationship material.
I would run the hell away if anyone said that to me! “Love has no boundaries” is the hallmark of the psycho, the stalker, and other dysfunctional people.
If love has no boundaries, is it ok with you that I become an axe murder?
It’s a freedom of expression thing, Honey.
No really, I only want to kill the stupid people; it’s quite a noble calling actually.
What? No? What do you mean, “No”?
How can you criticize and thwart my profound inner desires/needs by setting “limits” around my ability to express, not to mention act upon, my feelings this way?! You don’t really love me!! Wahhhhhhh
I see you and I have met some of the same people Ashara.
Ah Lady, I thank the gods I am stupid enough to have a bizarre and unsubstantiated wealth of hope. ; )
I think the term, “love has no boundaries” refers to the true meaning of love. It means it doesn’t matter how quickly you fall in love with someone–”love has no boundaries”. It means it doesn’t matter if your significant other is 15 years younger than you–”love has no boundaries”. It means you shouldn’t care about setting the limits or the “what-ifs” on your love for someone. Love is love and if you feel its real, there’s absolutely no reason why you should question it or underestimate it.
I disagree with Sunshine completely. The saying “love has no boundaries” is not the hallmark of a psycho or stalker. I think your interpretation is negative and judgmental. In fact, people who think this is a “dodgy” saying have obviously never been in true love or have been hurt in the past. How does one measure love, when love is a feeling and cannot be explained in words alone? There are no limits when it comes to love, no boundaries will ever separate this universal feeling we share with others.
Have to admit I’m with Sunshine, meeself. I’ve been around the lighthouse more than once in the seas of romance at my age, and when someone tells me not to have boundaries, I find ‘em creepy as all hell.
Love, or behavior?
Of course behavior has boundaries.
And I have a right to set boundaries for what behaviors I will and will not tolerate.
But I have not yet figured out how to set boundaries on someone else’s feelings.
Don’t particularly want to either.
We’ve all been hurt in the past. If we haven’t, we haven’t been living because life is not a stroll through sunshine and soft green grass, holding cupcakes and singing. Give me life, give me a few tumbles, let me LEARN.
And let me have some healthy boundaries.
Love may not have boundaries (I like the idea that it crosses class/social/economic/cultural lines) but healthy relationships need them and people need to be capable of setting them. Period. Because restraining orders cost a lot of money and who has time for all those court dates?
Love has no boundaries just refers to the fact that love can not be prevented. It might be rejected or denied, but it can still exist beyond these actions. It can also exist beyond the boundary of death. Love is not an action. It is a state of being.
For my own part, I totally see love as a verb — as what you DO, rather than a feeling.
for all the cynical people here…. i believe the following is more an example of “Love has no boundaries”…. “True Love” that is…. take a look
Cancer Patient Heather Taylor Weds Boyfriend In Hospital Ceremony
Article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/01/24/cancer-patient-heather-ta_n_1227745.html
It wasn’t your traditional ceremony: The wedding dress was replaced by a simple tank top, and the bride came down the aisle in a wheelchair. But 26-year-old Heather Taylor’s hastily-planned wedding was more poignant and meaningful than most others.
That’s not about boundaries or not. Yes, the story is very sweet, and yes, it’s wonderful that the young woman’s husband wishes to commit to the whole “in sickness and in health” part when it does look like there’s just going to be a lot of sickness. That’s loving behavior and yes, it’s wonderful.
Where a lot of people itch is the idea that love should permit ANYTHING — any unloving behavior, any mistreatment, if it’s True Love. That’s where people are justifiably cynical, I think.