Sex, Orientation and Preference

I was noodling around on the net recently and noticed someone in my way too varied social media sites questioning their sexual orientation and decisions. There was concern about how they’d be perceived. There was concern about present relationships.

One concern hit me between the eyeballs. “Am I a hypocrite if I change my mind?”

Woah…

Sometimes sexual tastes and orientations are so ingrained they’re water to a fish. You’re born that way, you feel the way you feel so hard that you don’t question it. The very idea of questioning it seems bizarre. Sometimes they’re more fluid than that.

I know of people who thought they were monogamous finding themselves much happier in polyamorous relationships. I’ve known of people who’d been poly a long time who realized that, no, what really made them happiest was a monogamous relationship. You could say that in each case the person wasn’t really monogamous or wasn’t really poly. I think it’s a lot more complex than that, and probably not nearly the either/or with which we sometimes approach the issue. Not only that but as we gain information and experience, we do change our minds. We know ourselves and our tastes better. Our life situations change. Different things make us happy.

So, no. Changing your mind doesn’t make you a hypocrite.

Just means you’re human.

Not that you’re off the hook for the consequences of your decision. People are complex and get even more so at the intersection of ourselves and our relationships. There are relationship contexts in which we will be happy with particular people and contexts in which we won’t. Changing your mind will affect that; boy howdy let me tell you what! But the problem you’re facing isn’t one of hypocrisy at that point, but of context and how people can or cannot be happy together.

 

 

One thought on “Sex, Orientation and Preference

  1. Alphasiren

    I could not agree with you more. We say we are open. Open to lots of opportunities and relationship configurations. I also like the work “trisexual” because I I like the person and there is chemistry I don’t care what their gender is. :-)

    Reply

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