A Poly Holiday

Poly writers often get asked for happy poly stories. Here’s one:

The Prince and I have had a tradition of throwing a party to decorate the Christmas Tree. We instituted it in a small way when our son was an infant and it’s continued for nearly two decades now.

The Prince, the Bird, Muscle Boy, Button, FWB, three of their kids, Madame Bernhardt, an old family friend and some of The Bird’s friends were there.  The small children piled most of the ornaments they could lay their hands on at the lower part of the tree, and FWB commented that since he was tall, he felt a responsibility to hang them higher up.  We had all the standard Tree Decorating Party treats, played Christmas music and just had a good time.

We didn’t talk about poly. I mean, I introduced people who didn’t know each other with proper relationship titles, but past that, no-one cared. It was cookies and Button’s oldest remembering we had Spiderman ornaments and claiming the right to put them on the tree. It was the little girl feeling a bit ill and unfortunately throwing up in the living room (look, it happens with kids. If you can’t deal, don’t have a social circle with kids).  It was the baby who had just learned to walk figuring out he could open a closed door and being very proud of being able to get into a room that was Not for Babies.  It was Mme Bernhardt and Muscle Boy tag teaming a rendition of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.  It was classifying whether the cocoa people wanted would be Evil, Naughty or Innocent.*

It wasn’t extraordinary, and no, the fun times had zero to do with sex.  But it was warm and loving and fun.

This is what poly can often look like, and it’ll always be the times I love the best.


*Evil Grown-up Cocoa is basically intensely chocolately cocoa with Ice 101.  Delightful stuff!

8 thoughts on “A Poly Holiday

  1. Auros

    That sounds lovely.

    Question: Is Naughty cocoa just the intense dark chocolate, without the peppermint schnapps? It seems like you need one more variant, to distinguish between +dark -schnapps, and -dark +schnapps. :-)

    1. Goddess of Java Post author

      It’s all a matter of how much schnapps. Cocoa isn’t worth drinking unless it’s REALLY chocolaty, as ANY right-thinking person knows :)

      Evil=a couple of shots
      Naughty= 1/2 shot
      Innocent=no schnapps

      1. Auros

        Eh. My family are all chocolaholics, but I’m an apostate. And I married somebody who actively dislikes really dark / intense chocolate. I like chocolate OK (even in the classic bitter brewed form), but given a choice, I’ll decline chocolate in favor of stuff with fruit or nut flavors, or caramel, or other non-cane sugars (maple, palm sugar, etc — stuff that actually has a flavor other than ZOMG-SWEET). I like a lot of Asian desserts, which tend to be less sweet and more dependent on fruits, sweet-ish vegetables (like azuki bean), etc. I pretty much go to dimsum for the custard cups and sesame balls with bean or lotus seed paste. And I make a killer sticky rice, with lots of coconut, sweetened with palm sugar, which, with some nice fresh fruit fruit, can be served at either end of the day — have it for dessert, or spoon over some yogurt for extra protein and call it breakfast. :-)

  2. Myth

    Here’s a happy poly story:
    This weekend, I had a long-scheduled weekend date with a sweetie several hours drive from me. Four hours before I was supposed to leave he called to cancel because his wife was sick. We were both disappointed, but I told him he should take care of his wife and give her a hug from me, and we’d reschedule when we could – probably in a month or so. No drama, no hurt feelings, just everybody doing their best to take care of each other and communicate with each other. The end.

  3. TeaWithStrumpets

    Happy poly holiday story: Texting my boyfriend’s wife to get ideas for his Christmas present, since she has a much better idea of what he already has/needs/wants.

    Bonus story: His wife just started a new job, and he bought her flowers and sent her to work with a bag lunch, on which he’d drawn a heart. Catty co-workers said “He’s probably cheating on you”. Wife said “No, if he was his girlfriend would tell me”. Win for all of us. :-D

  4. Ashbet

    Awwww, that sounds absolutely lovely! So glad that you had such a wonderful day with your loved ones and their loved ones :)

    I spent Thanksgiving with my lovely boyfriend and my daughter, and he Skyped with his girlfriend (who was visiting her family out of town), and I Skyped with my Dearly Beloveds and their Bean in the UK (and joked about Thanksgiving being an American holiday, but told them very sincerely that I take Thanksgiving as an opportunity to be thankful for the people I love and the people who love me, and therefore it seemed to be a good time to tell them how much they mean to me.)

    And Bean, as usual, almost knocked the webcam over while giving me a long-distance hug — she’s going to be six on New Year’s Eve (she insists that the fireworks displays are in honor of her birthday!), and I feel immensely fortunate every day that, while Fate saw fit to only give me one child of my body, I received the gift of having another child of my heart. This, to me, is one of the greatest blessings of poly.

    I would love to be able to share a story of all of us around the same table at some point (although we’ve come close — when my boyfriend and I visited England, we stayed with my Dearly Beloveds, so all three of my partners have shared space and hugs and laughter and have broken bread together), but for now, we’re very happy with the love that we share, and distance is only an obstacle to physical closeness, not to communication and love and support.

    (And then I got a hideous stomach bug and spent the next two days feverish and miserable, which is the downside of having no immune system to speak of . . . and my darling boyfriend and beloved daughter made sure I had Pedialyte and medication and care when I was really incredibly ill — and part of being poly, for me, is the existence of that extended framework of support. The last time my boyfriend and his girlfriend got a terrible stomach bug while on vacation, I stocked up his house with crackers and medication and Pedialyte, so that they could get home from their difficult flight and be as comfortable as possible the minute they got back home.)

    We can depend on each other — to feed our cats if we go out of town, to pick up prescriptions at the pharmacy, to listen when someone needs to vent or wants a comforting shoulder, to strategize plans for fun trips or gifts or surprises . . . and I love that a strong bond of friendship unites us all, and that we have that spirit of mutual support. It means the absolute world to me :)

    *raises my glass to wish for happy poly holidays for many years to come!*

  5. Jenna

    My holiday party is a tree decorating party, and I invited lots of folk. Some people sent regrets, some just didn’t show, but, we had about 8 or so people come by. By some chance, it was all people that we three were out as poly to, or I felt wouldn’t care or we were comfortable with them finding out. It was a small but cozy gathering with two tasty punch bowls, one non-alcoholic and one with bourbon in. :)
    As a postscript, the tree is still standing even with 6 cats in the house.


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