Author Archives: Goddess of Java

Disclosure When On the Prowl

Ok. So, I am a poly mama, in an open relationship that has its own nuances and complexities, like any other relationship of any flavor. Dilemma, nutshell: I have for the first time opened an OK Cupid account. I have … Continue reading

Posted in Ask the Misanthrope | 3 Comments

You Have to Choose

Hi Java, I’ve been with my man 9 years and am deeply in love with him, however, I’m also in love with another woman. I’ve loved her since before I met him – but only recognised recently that it was … Continue reading

Posted in Ask the Misanthrope | 7 Comments

On Being Out

I’m out when it comes to poly. People who know me well know I am. I put my poly writing and stuff on my CV. Plenty of people who read this know my “real name”. Given the US political climate … Continue reading

Posted in The Polyamory Community | 25 Comments

Bouncing the Reality Check

I’m in a primary poly relationship and a few secondary ones. On the whole things are great and the world is wonderful. One of my newer partners has a primary and poly family of his own. They are a great … Continue reading

Posted in Ask the Misanthrope, Communication | 1 Comment

One Poly Opera

Hello and thank you for taking the time to read this. It may be quite lengthy, so brace yourself! I am definitely in need of some goddess intervention tho… (Yes, the letter is long.  I’ve edited for length here) I … Continue reading

Posted in Ask the Misanthrope | 10 Comments

Trying to Break Us Up

What to do when a secondary female is trying get the primary male to breakup with the primary female in a polyamorous relationship? This  was not an Ask the Misanthrope Question, but a search term that appeared to link to … Continue reading

Posted in polyamory 101, relationships | 9 Comments

Where’s the Love?

I have a fundamental flaw that is of course so embedded in my personality, that I cannot recognize it. Maybe you can help. I fall in love with plain, vanilla women for about a year, sometimes less sometimes much longer. … Continue reading

Posted in Ask the Misanthrope, Love | 6 Comments

A Can of Worms: Polyamory Definitions

Got an interesting one in my mailbox this morning: How is Polyamory different from being in an open relationship? I got into an argument with someone about it, I think it’s an unrealistic idea for most people. I personally believe … Continue reading

Posted in Ask the Misanthrope | 17 Comments

Bailing on Dates

I met my secondary partner earlier this year and we took our time getting to know each other before we played, and agreed to start a play-partnership. Then a few months ago she met a new primary, and I only … Continue reading

Posted in Ask the Misanthrope, boundaries, Communication | 1 Comment

On Gaslighting

This guest column was written by Peter J. Vinton, Jr., aka The Prince. It’s Just A Trifle Lily innocuously asks a favor of you one day.  Say, a quick phone call asking you to pick up her friend Orlando in … Continue reading

Posted in boundaries, Communication, Guest Column | 16 Comments