Category Archives: boundaries

Girls Can Be Creepy, Too

My current problem is this: How do I get guys to not run away screaming when they find out I’m married? At least I think that’s my problem… I’ll explain below. I come across a guy and he seems interesting, … Continue reading

Posted in Ask the Misanthrope, boundaries | 8 Comments

Bailing on Dates

I met my secondary partner earlier this year and we took our time getting to know each other before we played, and agreed to start a play-partnership. Then a few months ago she met a new primary, and I only … Continue reading

Posted in Ask the Misanthrope, boundaries, Communication | 1 Comment

On Gaslighting

This guest column was written by Peter J. Vinton, Jr., aka The Prince. It’s Just A Trifle Lily innocuously asks a favor of you one day.  Say, a quick phone call asking you to pick up her friend Orlando in … Continue reading

Posted in boundaries, Communication, Guest Column | 20 Comments

Being Informed and Dirty Little Secrets in Polyamory

I wanted to message you (as I’m sure most people who message you do) about a poly/open relationship I’m in. As for the background, I’ve been separated for about 11 months and have been seeing someone for the last two … Continue reading

Posted in Ask the Misanthrope, boundaries | 19 Comments

Goddess of Java’s Boundaries Quiz

I talk a great deal about setting boundaries and expressing preferences, and sometimes have struggled to differentiate this between being controlling and giving orders. I was less than perfect about this this morning, and realized while the incident was trivial, … Continue reading

Posted in boundaries, Communication | 7 Comments

Ask the Misanthrope: Coming Out as Poly

Dear Polyamorous Misanthrope, I recently started a relationship with a person who has never been poly before. We’ve been dating for a little over a month and things have gotten really emotionally intimate, really fast. It’s wonderful and we’re both … Continue reading

Posted in Ask the Misanthrope, boundaries, polyamory 101 | 1 Comment

Ask the Misanthrope: Left Out

A New Reader Asks: I have been seeing a guy,living and working with him for about 4 months. He introduced me to the idea of polyamory. I had honestly never heard of it, but the more I learned the more … Continue reading

Posted in Ask the Misanthrope, boundaries, Communication | 3 Comments

We’ve Done It, Now Let Me Fix Your Life

There’s a popular situation in sitcoms and romantic comedies.  There’ll be this couple — one of them[1] being presented as having their life a bit out of order.  The couple sleeps together, and then the more together partner starts getting … Continue reading

Posted in boundaries, polyamory 101, relationships | 1 Comment

I Thought We Were POLY

Polyamory is about love and intimacy, right?  So poly people are the lovingest, mostest intimate cuddlemuffins out there.  If you find someone wants to keep the slightest bit of themselves to themselves, they’re not really poly.  People that need space … Continue reading

Posted in boundaries, Communication, polyamory 101 | 7 Comments

Closets

I mentioned in last week’s column that there are legitimate reasons why one might want to keep one’s romantic life quite private.   A poly person in the military or any other profession where witchhunts for sexual deviance are likely is … Continue reading

Posted in boundaries, The Polyamory Community | 2 Comments