Category Archives: Communication
Bouncing the Reality Check
I’m in a primary poly relationship and a few secondary ones. On the whole things are great and the world is wonderful. One of my newer partners has a primary and poly family of his own. They are a great … Continue reading
Bailing on Dates
I met my secondary partner earlier this year and we took our time getting to know each other before we played, and agreed to start a play-partnership. Then a few months ago she met a new primary, and I only … Continue reading
On Gaslighting
This guest column was written by Peter J. Vinton, Jr., aka The Prince. It’s Just A Trifle Lily innocuously asks a favor of you one day. Say, a quick phone call asking you to pick up her friend Orlando in … Continue reading
Why Interpreting and Assumptions Suck
I had an interesting communication moment recently. Polyfamilies was doing its usual thing of debating everything under the sun (nuclear power and alternative energy, I believe) when someone new to the group commented that she really couldn’t figure out what … Continue reading
O.V.P and Passive-Aggressiveness
The wife and i agreed to try an open relationship. We agreed on the rules of engagement: use a condom, be discreet, and don’t put one above the other. But when I set plans to go out with the my … Continue reading
Some Thoughts on Boundaries, Preferences and Communication
A few days ago, there was a Coffee Incident in my household that prompted a post. I got a lot of interesting responses, but I wanted to discuss the matter a little deeper and point out a core value that … Continue reading
Goddess of Java’s Boundaries Quiz
I talk a great deal about setting boundaries and expressing preferences, and sometimes have struggled to differentiate this between being controlling and giving orders. I was less than perfect about this this morning, and realized while the incident was trivial, … Continue reading
My Wife Doesn’t Understand Me
“I’m in a mid-life crisis, I guess. The passion is out of my life and I’m looking for something more. My wife doesn’t understand me.” Any polyamorous person on a dating site is almost sure to get a message like … Continue reading
Handling Jealousy: How to Fuck Up
I’ve been seeing more than the usual amount of discussion about jealousy on various poly boards lately, so I figure this might be a little topical to people. I have pulled out of the air the Definitive[1] Five-Point List of … Continue reading
Patient Griselda, or, Minding the Gap
Mama Java is lounging on the beach right now. Well, okay RIGHT NOW, I’m probably getting sunscreen on squirming little children, collecting beach chairs and making sure everyone has their towels, but I am at the beach this week. Here’s … Continue reading