Comments for The Polyamorous Misanthrope

Comment on Stupid Poly Tricks by Abby

Abby — Fri, 17 May 2013 18:46:32 +0000

Soooooo… Several years later I come across this blog, and Princess’ comment.

“my bf is poly with two other women who don’t know about me” … “nor do they know about each other”

By definition, that is not poly. That’s called cheating.

polyamory: “…with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved”

Comment on Don’t Treat People as Things by Auros

Auros — Thu, 02 May 2013 22:17:32 +0000

Yay, improvement!

Comment on First of May by Deliberately 'nymed

Deliberately 'nymed — Wed, 01 May 2013 14:44:52 +0000

I like the ASL version of that song on Youtube… :-P

Comment on Effective Communication by Effective Communication Is Sooo Impawww-tant! | Loving Without Boundaries

Effective Communication Is Sooo Impawww-tant! | Loving Without Boundaries — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 19:17:37 +0000

[...] http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2008/04/07/effective-communication/ [...]

Comment on Don’t Treat People as Things by Goddess of Java

Goddess of Java — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 11:21:27 +0000

Not being a member of the Poly Police, I can’t do anything about your card, so you’re safe there. :)

There is nothing in the world wrong with wanting casual relationships. We may only have a certain number of hours in the day, after all.

The problem comes in when there are constructs set a manner that sets up expectations for people that they really wouldn’t agree to!

It’s about expectation and entitlement, really, and boy howdy let me tell you what, couples can do that — especially when long-established. (Saying this AS a member of a long-established marriage, ‘kay? Not a high horse).

But if anything starts to smell of “I expect my secondaries to know their place,” you have a problem.

Comment on Don’t Treat People as Things by Shadow

Shadow — Wed, 24 Apr 2013 05:00:34 +0000

Ok, as someone new to poly, here’s my reaction: there’s a blurry line between poly and swinging – especially when shifting into poly. SO some of these checkboxes make sense to me and are understood between me and my partners. I guess perhaps what it comes down to is I’m more in a place for casual secondary relationships, not a committed one. Does that make me a douche? Am I treating my ‘secondary’ as an object because there’s a boundary we both understand exists from the start? Will my poly membership card be rescinded?

Comment on Don’t Treat People as Things by Stabbity

Stabbity — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 23:46:30 +0000

@Tybie

Like, “I’m poly enough to date both of you when it’s easy, but not poly enough to work it out when it’s not”. Is this the issue?

Exactly! And that’s fine if everyone’s on the same page, but it’s a nasty surprise if you weren’t expecting it.

Comment on Don’t Treat People as Things by Stabbity

Stabbity — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 23:34:33 +0000

Sometimes a veto is there for a reason. I learned a thing, and its a fairly specific thing: when your current primary is actually having a nervous breakdown already, and you nearly broke up not so long ago, that would be a bad time to bring a new person in.

I totally understand that sometimes it’s just not a good time to bring another person into the mix (and fully agree that example seems like an extraordinarily bad time to do so), but I actually don’t see that example as a “veto needed” situation. To my mind, if your partner decides to pursue a new potential partner under circumstances like that, the problem is thoughtlessness and selfishness to the point of cruelty, not the lack of a veto.

Comment on More on Consent by makalove

makalove — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 14:49:59 +0000

I agree. Consent and vulnerability can be very difficult, but they are absolutely indispensable. I’m willing to offer specific ideas on how to seek consent in specific situations, if you want to talk some of that out. Feel free to email me using this username at gmail.

Comment on More on Consent by little-sugarcube

little-sugarcube — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 07:55:10 +0000

I guess what I mean is, I don’t agree with the way you make fun of the idea that consent is hard. The problem with the people who say that isn’t that they think it’s hard, it’s that they are trying to argue it’s not worth the difficulty. I think it is hard, because being vulnerable is hard, and clearly and unambiguously stating what you want and intentionally introducing the opportunity for the other person to say they don’t want it, that is a vulnerable place to be. But I think it’s indispensable.